Quotable Profs Day 1

So I'm picking up the torch of the quotable profs and already have a good chunk! This is just day one, even! I can't wait for Day 2!


To a student saying they were obsessive about a certain topic "Now I'm a little afraid"

Excitable prof has "In Terra Pax..." as a screen saver....oh the irony! In earthly peace for a bouncing off the wall professor!

"I'm not sure I can read Medieval Korean, so maybe you can't read it"- to a Korean student about reading Medieval English

"Even though I can talk the hind leg off of several donkeys...."

"This is what is....ooh, saucy language about to emerge"

"Blood libel....the real one, not the Sarah Palin one..."

"You know [Student], I know you're a procrastinator. You're not as bad as me!"

Lessons from Hell part 2

Here are the poems I wrote in hell. The title is in Bold, with the regular type following being the poem itself

Hell

Hell
In community
With another
Alone?

Hell
Sounds of
Tastes of
Smells of
Looks of?

Hell
Bodies in
Minds in
Spirits in
Beauty in?

Hell
Eternal or temporary
Teaching us lessons
Breaking our silence
Humbling us?

Hell
Questioning
Seeing
Wondering
Experiencing

Hell
Breaking free?
Am I sure I
Want to get out?
Who do I condemn?

Hell
God hearing prayers
God reaching down
God coming down
God not leaving us in

Hell Fire and Reflection (Based on quotes from "Hell Fire" from Hunchback of Notre Dam and Mulan's "Reflection")

"This fire, hell fire"
"Who is this girl I see"
"This burning in my skin"
"Staring straight back at me?"
"This fire, hell fire"
"When will my reflection show"
"Be mine or you will burn!"
"Who I am inside..."

Remember your baptism
You are the beloved child of God
And be thankful
That IS enough

Spinning (Based on solo choreographed dance)

Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
How do I get out?
Where am I?
Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
Where am I?
How do I get out?

Can I go this way?
How about that way?
As long as I move forward
I think I'm ok
Spinning.....huh?
Pain....huh?
Hey, I think I'm free!

Descending/Ascending (Group dance choreographed to poem)

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Where is the hope?
Where is the freedom?
Are we all in this together?
Or am I alone?

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Is this the way to freedom?
Or is that the way?
Will you bring me?
Can I bring you?

Oh! Oh! Oh!
I think this is the way!
Come with me!
We'll go together!
Let's go together!

Oh! Oh! Oh!
We're here together!
We're free together!
Hallelujah! We're free!
Hallelujah! We're free!

Lessons From Hell part 1

So I did a class on Hell this week....Ministry and the Imagination: And He Descended Into Hell. It was an AWESOME class/retreat and I learned a lot from it. So I thought I'd post some lessons from Hell and some Poems from Hell to give you some idea of what I went through. The poems will be in part 2 of this blog post.

The whole few days were amazing. We descended into hell together and ascended back up into the world together. We did this both literally and figuratively via an exercise that was amazing. We smelled hell, felt hell, saw hell, tasted hell, and heard hell. In my group we danced hell and took pictures of what hell was for us (and made pictures of what hell was for us). We choreographed dances in my group that described hell and coming out of it once again. We had fun, too, with massages and ear candling and creating salts and doing all kinds of artwork! The community was the best part, I think. To get to know people better and to care so much more for them. Going through hell and back really connects you with people. The place was beautiful, going out in the snow and watching the sunrise through the window and just....WOW! And now...to the quotes!

"Hell is not having it of yourself to help yourself"- Heather

"One of the deepest regions of hell is for those incapable of community"- from Dante

"People are Hell"-Sarte.... and the ones condemning people to hell- Heather

"We need our own certainties harrowed and this harrowing can feel like hell"- Heather

If we must go to hell...so must Jesus (since he was fully human)

The nature of God is the irreversible diversity.

One reason we need hell is because we have a need to see those who cause harm punished.

"Christ descended into hell as a conqueror not as a victim"- Heather

time and death are not barriers to God's love, so what barrier is there?

We need someone to teach us how to rebuild ourselves and our lives, whether it be a 12 step group or purgatory

"We are called to walk through fire, not walk on water."- Heather

"You have to fight fire with fire (of God"

Late Lessons

Sorry this post is so late, but things have been swirling about me. I loved this week's touch exercises and the interesting thing where my body and mind had totally different reactions to touch, to how it felt to be touched and where. When one was comfortable, the other was not and vice versa. However, as the poem that I'll post here will show you (also posted in my other blog), my body and I, through that, because of that and realizing truly that it has it's own language and feelings, we're becoming one once again, for the first time since I was 3 years old. It's an amazing thing for me to experience, or start to experience in just 4 weeks of class. I can't wait for Tuesday already!

Body (written by "Julie B aka Jewelbird)

Body,
you're lovely
you tell me a story
you're smarter than I realize

Body,
you have your own memory
and you don't forget much
you're wonderful

Body,
I'm sorry for what mind has done
I promise to take better care of us
you're superb

Body,
you're stronger than mind realizes
you're a fighter
you're super

Body,
you endure great things
you speak what you think or feel
you're ideal

Body,
I love us
We will come together fully
We are one!

Remembering How Far I've Come

So tonight was a night in which I partied and yet had some awesome conversations. Those conversations got me to thinking and to remembering back to 2007 when I first arrived at Drew, in PTSD and not at all healthy. Today, I am much healthier than I was, I know who I am and who I am fully. My health is getting under control, with naming and understanding a few things. I have matured a great deal in just 3 years. I have given up my victim identity and am working on giving up the patient personality/identity (although asthma and such dealt a blow to that one this week). I want to have the identity of Julie, Beloved Child of God, and Soon-to-be Chaplain. I have learned and am practicing boundaries, boundaries that help me to heal and prepare me for the work ahead.

I have also realized that with switching denominations, I have been given a gift....TIME. I cannot be ordained right out of seminary, I still have work to do in the ordination process of my new denomination and in doing internship classes so that I am prepared to be the best chaplain I can be. I also still have some more growing up and healing to do in order to again be the best chaplain I can be and so to do the work that God has called me to do.

All these things are such a good sign, and signs of health now and healing that has happened and preparation. I almost feel as if God knew all along I would not be QUITE ready for ministry straight out of seminary, but God had a plan in mind anyway....a plan that would give me healing and time and the tools I needed for ministry. I so thank God for all that has been done and all that God continues to do!

this week's "Resurrection of the Body"

This week was a blast! I had so much fun in the experiential part of the class. We even played a game of dodge-ball! Talk about getting in touch with our bodies and with fun!

We also had to do letters to our bodies. Me and my body, we're learning to trust each other as I am in Recovery from ED. After all, I spent 15 years abusing my poor body by listening to ED. We're starting to learn and trust each other. I am learning, as someone said, "the vocabulary of my body"... what it wants, needs, is saying to me. Tonight, during one of the stretches, it CLEARLY said to me, "Hey, Get back on the PT, will ya!" As my left kneecap moved a bit while kneeling on it. It hurt and I responded and understood that I need to give my body the strengthening it needs. I actually plan on doing so starting tomorrow, no matter what the time is like, I MUST take care of my body and show it that it can trust me. I will then trust it to recover from any diseases that I may encounter along the way here. I have also been trying to give my body the nutrition it wants and it has been so much happier with that so far.

It was kind of neat in class as everyone shared their letters. I will not say anything about anyone's letters (confidentiality), but will say that there was one person in class that if they had been in OA, I would've asked them to be my sponsor, because they had something that I wanted in my Recovery. It was kind of neat though to see that and to know that it IS truly possible!

Another thing I learned through the sharing was the our bodies and how we see our bodies, we each have our own, unique story. There are some commonalities, but how each person viewed and interacted with their body was so unique, so insanely unique and it was wonderful to see both the commonalities and the uniqueness.

So, how do you see your body? What would your letter to your body say?

Resurrection of the Body Week 2

We did even more stretching today and we did the move that was most important to us, for me that was the opening up of the chest. Someone has said that they did not realize that even breathing was a gift, and yet that is the move I chose, opening up of the chest, because I do realize that breathing is a gift, and a wonderful one at that, since there are times for me when that gift gets harder. There were so many good explanations as to what worked for each person.

A lesson that came up as we were sharing our self-care plans was the idea of "Our greatest fear is not that we are small, but that we are huge"- Marianne Williamson

As I've thought about this, I realize how true it's been in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of others. I'm afraid to be big, to be the best I can be and it often leads me to focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Like other fears, I need to let this one go and know that it's okay to be the best I can be, God wants me to be the best I can be and that includes being healthy! When I am healthy, I am often looking for the next illness, but that's listening to that fear. Instead, I should enjoy being healthy and working towards becoming even more healthy, as I will with my self-care plan.

The whole idea of a self-care plan, complete with reward is a good idea, too. Something I think everyone should have, sort of like New Year's Resolutions (as Charlie and Lynn say), but to have an accountability partner (or a class full!) to help them stick to it and to let the plan be flexible. It could really come in handy.