Relationships, BPD, Fear, and Abandonment

Oh my....I just have to get this out. I'm afraid, so terribly afraid. And yet, because of the fear, I'M the one doing the very thing I'm afraid of! I'm afraid of abandonment, of being hurt. I'm afraid that if I tell Cody the truth about some of his faults that drive me nuts, that he'll leave me, so I pull back. Yet my own pulling back is likely to bring about the very abandonment that I fear! This is my BPD gone wild. I'm so afraid, so scared. I love him so much and don't want to lose him, yet haven't contacted him in like a week. i'm afraid to. I'm afraid to get too close, that he'll hurt me if I do. AGH! BPD needs to go away, leave my relationship alone! Yet, it's there, it's a part of me, so it's there. I just.....I don't know what to do. I'll post this in my one group and just pray that they can help me out because, like Elsa, fear is my enemy, and fear is winning!