Here are the poems I wrote in hell. The title is in Bold, with the regular type following being the poem itself
Hell
Hell
In community
With another
Alone?
Hell
Sounds of
Tastes of
Smells of
Looks of?
Hell
Bodies in
Minds in
Spirits in
Beauty in?
Hell
Eternal or temporary
Teaching us lessons
Breaking our silence
Humbling us?
Hell
Questioning
Seeing
Wondering
Experiencing
Hell
Breaking free?
Am I sure I
Want to get out?
Who do I condemn?
Hell
God hearing prayers
God reaching down
God coming down
God not leaving us in
Hell Fire and Reflection (Based on quotes from "Hell Fire" from Hunchback of Notre Dam and Mulan's "Reflection")
"This fire, hell fire"
"Who is this girl I see"
"This burning in my skin"
"Staring straight back at me?"
"This fire, hell fire"
"When will my reflection show"
"Be mine or you will burn!"
"Who I am inside..."
Remember your baptism
You are the beloved child of God
And be thankful
That IS enough
Spinning (Based on solo choreographed dance)
Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
How do I get out?
Where am I?
Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
Where am I?
How do I get out?
Can I go this way?
How about that way?
As long as I move forward
I think I'm ok
Spinning.....huh?
Pain....huh?
Hey, I think I'm free!
Descending/Ascending (Group dance choreographed to poem)
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Where is the hope?
Where is the freedom?
Are we all in this together?
Or am I alone?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Is this the way to freedom?
Or is that the way?
Will you bring me?
Can I bring you?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I think this is the way!
Come with me!
We'll go together!
Let's go together!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
We're here together!
We're free together!
Hallelujah! We're free!
Hallelujah! We're free!
Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts
Friday, January 14, 2011
Friday, September 24, 2010
Late Lessons
Sorry this post is so late, but things have been swirling about me. I loved this week's touch exercises and the interesting thing where my body and mind had totally different reactions to touch, to how it felt to be touched and where. When one was comfortable, the other was not and vice versa. However, as the poem that I'll post here will show you (also posted in my other blog), my body and I, through that, because of that and realizing truly that it has it's own language and feelings, we're becoming one once again, for the first time since I was 3 years old. It's an amazing thing for me to experience, or start to experience in just 4 weeks of class. I can't wait for Tuesday already!
Body (written by "Julie B aka Jewelbird)
Body,
you're lovely
you tell me a story
you're smarter than I realize
Body,
you have your own memory
and you don't forget much
you're wonderful
Body,
I'm sorry for what mind has done
I promise to take better care of us
you're superb
Body,
you're stronger than mind realizes
you're a fighter
you're super
Body,
you endure great things
you speak what you think or feel
you're ideal
Body,
I love us
We will come together fully
We are one!
Body (written by "Julie B aka Jewelbird)
Body,
you're lovely
you tell me a story
you're smarter than I realize
Body,
you have your own memory
and you don't forget much
you're wonderful
Body,
I'm sorry for what mind has done
I promise to take better care of us
you're superb
Body,
you're stronger than mind realizes
you're a fighter
you're super
Body,
you endure great things
you speak what you think or feel
you're ideal
Body,
I love us
We will come together fully
We are one!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Resurrection of the Body Week 2
We did even more stretching today and we did the move that was most important to us, for me that was the opening up of the chest. Someone has said that they did not realize that even breathing was a gift, and yet that is the move I chose, opening up of the chest, because I do realize that breathing is a gift, and a wonderful one at that, since there are times for me when that gift gets harder. There were so many good explanations as to what worked for each person.
A lesson that came up as we were sharing our self-care plans was the idea of "Our greatest fear is not that we are small, but that we are huge"- Marianne Williamson
As I've thought about this, I realize how true it's been in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of others. I'm afraid to be big, to be the best I can be and it often leads me to focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Like other fears, I need to let this one go and know that it's okay to be the best I can be, God wants me to be the best I can be and that includes being healthy! When I am healthy, I am often looking for the next illness, but that's listening to that fear. Instead, I should enjoy being healthy and working towards becoming even more healthy, as I will with my self-care plan.
The whole idea of a self-care plan, complete with reward is a good idea, too. Something I think everyone should have, sort of like New Year's Resolutions (as Charlie and Lynn say), but to have an accountability partner (or a class full!) to help them stick to it and to let the plan be flexible. It could really come in handy.
A lesson that came up as we were sharing our self-care plans was the idea of "Our greatest fear is not that we are small, but that we are huge"- Marianne Williamson
As I've thought about this, I realize how true it's been in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of others. I'm afraid to be big, to be the best I can be and it often leads me to focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Like other fears, I need to let this one go and know that it's okay to be the best I can be, God wants me to be the best I can be and that includes being healthy! When I am healthy, I am often looking for the next illness, but that's listening to that fear. Instead, I should enjoy being healthy and working towards becoming even more healthy, as I will with my self-care plan.
The whole idea of a self-care plan, complete with reward is a good idea, too. Something I think everyone should have, sort of like New Year's Resolutions (as Charlie and Lynn say), but to have an accountability partner (or a class full!) to help them stick to it and to let the plan be flexible. It could really come in handy.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Lessons from "Resurrection of the Body" class 1
So I'm in a new class, a wonderful, connecting, helpful class. We got some of what I consider meditation: centering, grounding, tai-chi type of things. There was aroma therapy throughout class as well as some getting to know each other time. There was so much taught in just that little bit of class.
The first lesson was being love finders vs being fault finders (from attitudinal healing principles) How about we do this for the body? We find parts of our bodies to love rather than parts of our bodies to find fault. It's hard, but it's a good thing to try to do and something that we can apply.
The second lesson (also from the principles) was to focus on the whole instead of focusing on the fragments. We can focus on overall recovery instead of focusing on the slips or setbacks in recovery. From my own experience, I have chosen to focus on the Recovery and still say I've been in Recovery for 3 months, and that's despite a known slip or two. I am choosing to focus on the whole instead of focusing on the fragments, which puts me in Recovery and puts down what ED is trying to tell me ("Focus on the slips, you're not in Recovery"). Instead it reaffirms that I am in Recovery and helps me tell ED to shove off!
The first lesson was being love finders vs being fault finders (from attitudinal healing principles) How about we do this for the body? We find parts of our bodies to love rather than parts of our bodies to find fault. It's hard, but it's a good thing to try to do and something that we can apply.
The second lesson (also from the principles) was to focus on the whole instead of focusing on the fragments. We can focus on overall recovery instead of focusing on the slips or setbacks in recovery. From my own experience, I have chosen to focus on the Recovery and still say I've been in Recovery for 3 months, and that's despite a known slip or two. I am choosing to focus on the whole instead of focusing on the fragments, which puts me in Recovery and puts down what ED is trying to tell me ("Focus on the slips, you're not in Recovery"). Instead it reaffirms that I am in Recovery and helps me tell ED to shove off!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Lessons in balance and from Overeaters Anonymous
It's been a while since I've written on here, but that's partially because I've been battling migraine and loneliness lately. ED the whole time has been trying to get me to do this or do that, undereat or overeat. I've fought him off so far, though. Instead of listening to ED, I've read in my OA book, reached out to others (no matter how hard it was to do) including calling at least one person from OA.
OA has been a teacher for sure. The folks there have been so helpful. I've started journaling again, only I call it (as they called it) the letter to God. As part of the journaling I've also started to do 10 gratitudes, which reminds me that no matter how rough or how bleak my day has been, there are always things to be grateful for.
I've started to meditate more often, which started with the one meeting. The meditation can be as simple as just letting the thoughts flow through my mind and not paying attention to them, but paying attention to other things around me as I'm walking. I've gotten great pictures of baby deer and flowers this way and it puts me more at peace, helping to ease tension.
After hearing the definition of abstinent to be abstinent from the compulsive over (or for me over OR under) eating behaviors or anything that would trigger those behaviors and another definition being that abstinent means sticking to the food plan, I've started making a food plan. It really helps me to find that middle ground, and once I find a sponsor, I'll share the food plan with her/him and that'll help keep me accountable. I've also given up chocolate, and although it's hard, with the support of the OA folks, I know I can do it. I need to give it up for my health (migraine) and because it's a huge trigger food that is the most likely to send me into a binge.
Doing the meal plans has been such a blessing. I only do it one day in advance and I do try to think of the food groups, so while I may not be eating necessarily the amount given by the food pyramid, I'm trying my best to come close. I won't be perfect, especially as I'm doing this without a nutritionist, but all I can do is do my best. I do allow for substitutions and migraine is the most common offender for that, since it may mean I have to order in due to not being able to cook, or doing a simple meal instead of a bigger one. Some do meal plans by writing how much of what group they'll do, for me, I write the specific food. It helps guarantee that I'll eat (that and the accountability to the folks of OA). I've spent a few years learning what a normal portion was (with some help from WebMD and other health sites) for eyeballing it, or will go by something like 1-2 bowls of soup is normal.
I've also started reading the dailies in one of the books and used that to ponder over...so often, it ends up being just what I need for that day. Combined with Jenni Schaefer's books, I'm doing a little better.
I guess the key for me is balance, balancing migraine with recovery, balancing meal plans and OA meetings with fun outside. Making me time to meditate, even if it's while on an errand for work, or going to/from work. Journaling even if it's just over the course of a day. Making sure to reach out when I need to, no matter how hard it is. Reading when I need to and sometimes when I don't want to (catching the loneliness chapter in Jenni's book DURING and not after it had passed would have been good, if only I had gone with what I NEEDED to do and read the book). And so my lessons in balance continue....I must remember that GRAY IS OK!
OA has been a teacher for sure. The folks there have been so helpful. I've started journaling again, only I call it (as they called it) the letter to God. As part of the journaling I've also started to do 10 gratitudes, which reminds me that no matter how rough or how bleak my day has been, there are always things to be grateful for.
I've started to meditate more often, which started with the one meeting. The meditation can be as simple as just letting the thoughts flow through my mind and not paying attention to them, but paying attention to other things around me as I'm walking. I've gotten great pictures of baby deer and flowers this way and it puts me more at peace, helping to ease tension.
After hearing the definition of abstinent to be abstinent from the compulsive over (or for me over OR under) eating behaviors or anything that would trigger those behaviors and another definition being that abstinent means sticking to the food plan, I've started making a food plan. It really helps me to find that middle ground, and once I find a sponsor, I'll share the food plan with her/him and that'll help keep me accountable. I've also given up chocolate, and although it's hard, with the support of the OA folks, I know I can do it. I need to give it up for my health (migraine) and because it's a huge trigger food that is the most likely to send me into a binge.
Doing the meal plans has been such a blessing. I only do it one day in advance and I do try to think of the food groups, so while I may not be eating necessarily the amount given by the food pyramid, I'm trying my best to come close. I won't be perfect, especially as I'm doing this without a nutritionist, but all I can do is do my best. I do allow for substitutions and migraine is the most common offender for that, since it may mean I have to order in due to not being able to cook, or doing a simple meal instead of a bigger one. Some do meal plans by writing how much of what group they'll do, for me, I write the specific food. It helps guarantee that I'll eat (that and the accountability to the folks of OA). I've spent a few years learning what a normal portion was (with some help from WebMD and other health sites) for eyeballing it, or will go by something like 1-2 bowls of soup is normal.
I've also started reading the dailies in one of the books and used that to ponder over...so often, it ends up being just what I need for that day. Combined with Jenni Schaefer's books, I'm doing a little better.
I guess the key for me is balance, balancing migraine with recovery, balancing meal plans and OA meetings with fun outside. Making me time to meditate, even if it's while on an errand for work, or going to/from work. Journaling even if it's just over the course of a day. Making sure to reach out when I need to, no matter how hard it is. Reading when I need to and sometimes when I don't want to (catching the loneliness chapter in Jenni's book DURING and not after it had passed would have been good, if only I had gone with what I NEEDED to do and read the book). And so my lessons in balance continue....I must remember that GRAY IS OK!
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