Musings on Ministry and Mental Illness

What's so wrong about a Pastor with a mental health issue? What if....what if....what if I really WERE called to ORDAINED ministry, just as I am, BPD, depression, anxiety, and all? Would I be accepted in my low times? My high times? My anxious times? What's wrong with being HUMAN?!? What's wroong with including many in the running of the church so that if the mental illness acts up in the pastor it still runs? Come to think of it, can't this be applied to folks with IDD's as well? Can't ALL those with disabilities be pastors? And if not, why not? Can't God speak through these people as well? My MH Peers agree! Why the stigma in the church? Why is it so insanely great? Shouldn't the church be one of the MOST understanding places and NOT one of the LEAST understanding? Hrm....what if I AM still called to ordained ministry? How do I break the barriers? How do I bust the stigma? Do I apply for the disability and then work towards that goal and accept the $100K back IF I get ordained? OR Do I just accept the permanent and total disability and volunteer in this manner and promote others getting ordained, making someone else's ordination my life's goal? Something for me to think and pray about....and see what the doctor says on Monday (or whenever I see him....stupid weather).