Re-Start of Leopard Musings

I almost forgot about this! This was so key for me in seminary and so much has happened since then! I guess, 4 years later, I'll re-start Leopard Musings with this post. With this re-start, I'll update anyone/everyone on what has happened. I am now diagnosed with different mental illnesses, more serious than before..... Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, Mood Disorder NOS. I have many physical ailments as well, Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS), Asthma, Gastroparesis, and Migraines. I have crashed and burned many a time with these things, but I refuse to let them define who I am. Hence why instead of making a new blog entirely, I am re-starting this older one. I am no longer working, but am working on getting back on my feet enough to work. Instead, I go to Psych Rehab and counseling and different groups. I live in Supported Living (EVSL) where I am mostly independent, but staff does help in the evenings and on weekends, which tend to be my weakest times. On the plus side, I am learning more and more to feel, am 22 months clean from pain killers (which I didn't realize I was addicted to until my late 2011-2012 breakdown), and am feeling more human now than I ever have. I'm a completely different person from when I was in seminary and that's not a bad thing. I'm getting the help that I have always needed, learning skills that have needed to be learned and were started learning when I was in seminary (mindfulness, anyone.....ahem Charlie?). I still write liturgies and sermons as I am called to, but instead have been mostly working on art and crocheting, which I started at the end of seminary. I now make anything from bags and scarves to dragons and other stuffed animals. It helps me to stay mindful and is a stress reliever. I no longer quite know what I believe, but I believe that God is directing my path and I know that God has not led me astray and will not lead me astray. It's just that the details are fuzzier because of what I have been through combined with what I remember from seminary (almost need another 4 years of seminary to be able to re-articulate what I believe in ways that would get me ordained!) Yet not being ordained is not so bad. I minister in other ways. I am a sponsor and sponsee. I have a plan for a ministry that I can do from a layperson's position...."A Voice for All" where everyone, whether mentally or physically disabled or not, is given a chance and a place to find and express their voice. Forgive me if my picture on here becomes a bit more "anonymous," but as I am publishing some private things and struggles so that others may find solidarity and help, I also need to keep in mind that despite it all, there is stigma out there and I will need to find a job eventually. I pray that the stigma eventually dissipates and I am able to once again use my real picture and info. I will be trying to update this daily if possible, however, as it will become a bit of a journal as I muse about things that have happened and ideas that I've had. The muse is striking again and so the leopard comes around to write her musings down once again ;).