Addiction Musings

The more I think about my diagnosis vs "addiction" to pain killers.....I used to say that I was a pain killer addict from the age of 8.....now.....now I'm not so sure. Because if I'm truly honest with myself, I have chronic joint pain (knees, ankles, wrists, back, right elbow where a nerve was pinched.....shoulders.....basically everything that I've ever sprained/strained).....I've just gotten so used to the pain and so dissociated from it that it doesn't bother me as much any more unless I do allow myself to fully ground, then it goes from a 1-2 level to a 4-5. Granted, narcotics are a good thing to still stay away from, but am I truly addicted, or was I seeking relief from legit pain due to things due to the EDS? Or was it a combo of both, seeking relief got me hooked in RECENT years (as in 2-3 prior to getting clean approx 2 years ago). I'm so confused now! Narcotics are just for short term pain relief......should I be looking into something for longer term? But if the dissociation is working, why mess with a good thing.....I just....I don't know! Am I an addict? Am I not? 12 Step work has been good for me regardless, but am I labeling myself something that I'm not? So so so so so so so confused!