Artful Hope

This is a bit of processing, but in the end has a good message.

In the center of this picture (see above or to the left) is a mess, a mess of emotions, where all the colors blend into each otehr so that no one emotion is identifiable.

Radiating out from that are the emotions that cross through and get into the mess. Anger: red and jagged, Sadness: big and dark blue, Frustration and Loss of hope in the black, Hope in the pink of breast cancer awareness and in the comforting purple and green, the unidentifiable emotions in the brown and gray that are mushed into the pink, Anxiety and Fear streak through the picture in the almost unmushed orange and yellow.

The blue, purple, and red run into each other, connecting in the blue; so sadness, hope and anger mix together on either side of the mess. Gray brown and pink mush together in the pink; the unidentifiable messing with hope. Green, orange and yellow basically do not run into each other; they're more side by side. Hope races alongside fear and anxiety. The black runs through the middle, trying to take over; Hopelessness and frustration trying to rule the day.

Yet hopelessness is outnumbered. Only one color of it, verses 3 for hope (purple, pink, and green).

Maybe I feel more hope than I realize, it's semi-hidden, even in the picture, but it's there. It's mixing in with anger and sadness; it's mixing in with the unidentifiable, and it's running alongside fear and anxiety. Hope is the most abundant emotion! If I can only remember this, things will be better.

Thanks, God, for the urge to create and write. You've reminded me of the hope that's really there....

What do you do?

What do you do when....

there are too many emotions swirling around inside?
you cannot quite name the emotions?
you're stressed out to wazoo?
you're worried about a family member?

Can you...

name some of the emotions?
let yourself feel the mix up of emotion?
not get addicted to a new thing?
let yourself cry?

I wonder if I can do any of those things, writing them out has helped me to see them, now can I just do them! I'm gonna try dang it! I've gotta try, if I don't all it will do is turn into depression. May God hold my mother in his/her hand!

Must Stay in the Now

So, I got some pretty disturbing news tonight, but meditation, staying in the now, is helping some. I have to remember to stay in the now. In the now, yes, Grandpa is very ill (cancer), but he's not dead, he's alive. In the now, I can't do anything to help him except for pray. In the now, I can do my homework, I'm hot (it's like 90 in my room), but I'm fine. My mind wants to drag me into the future, into the scary, unknown future. But in the now, in the here and now, none of those scary things has happened. Grandpa's ill, but fine and alive. I'm not having to rush down to Levittown. I'm able to stay at school and do my homework, and take care of myself. In the now, I hear the wind roaring outside and the hiss of the heater. In the now. I did some art therapy tonight to help get me into the now, and then did a bit of meditation with Taize music. In the now, all is well, I must stay in the now!

Quotable Profs Day 1

So I'm picking up the torch of the quotable profs and already have a good chunk! This is just day one, even! I can't wait for Day 2!


To a student saying they were obsessive about a certain topic "Now I'm a little afraid"

Excitable prof has "In Terra Pax..." as a screen saver....oh the irony! In earthly peace for a bouncing off the wall professor!

"I'm not sure I can read Medieval Korean, so maybe you can't read it"- to a Korean student about reading Medieval English

"Even though I can talk the hind leg off of several donkeys...."

"This is what is....ooh, saucy language about to emerge"

"Blood libel....the real one, not the Sarah Palin one..."

"You know [Student], I know you're a procrastinator. You're not as bad as me!"

Lessons from Hell part 2

Here are the poems I wrote in hell. The title is in Bold, with the regular type following being the poem itself

Hell

Hell
In community
With another
Alone?

Hell
Sounds of
Tastes of
Smells of
Looks of?

Hell
Bodies in
Minds in
Spirits in
Beauty in?

Hell
Eternal or temporary
Teaching us lessons
Breaking our silence
Humbling us?

Hell
Questioning
Seeing
Wondering
Experiencing

Hell
Breaking free?
Am I sure I
Want to get out?
Who do I condemn?

Hell
God hearing prayers
God reaching down
God coming down
God not leaving us in

Hell Fire and Reflection (Based on quotes from "Hell Fire" from Hunchback of Notre Dam and Mulan's "Reflection")

"This fire, hell fire"
"Who is this girl I see"
"This burning in my skin"
"Staring straight back at me?"
"This fire, hell fire"
"When will my reflection show"
"Be mine or you will burn!"
"Who I am inside..."

Remember your baptism
You are the beloved child of God
And be thankful
That IS enough

Spinning (Based on solo choreographed dance)

Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
How do I get out?
Where am I?
Spinning
Spinning
Pain upon pain
Where am I?
How do I get out?

Can I go this way?
How about that way?
As long as I move forward
I think I'm ok
Spinning.....huh?
Pain....huh?
Hey, I think I'm free!

Descending/Ascending (Group dance choreographed to poem)

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Where is the hope?
Where is the freedom?
Are we all in this together?
Or am I alone?

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Is this the way to freedom?
Or is that the way?
Will you bring me?
Can I bring you?

Oh! Oh! Oh!
I think this is the way!
Come with me!
We'll go together!
Let's go together!

Oh! Oh! Oh!
We're here together!
We're free together!
Hallelujah! We're free!
Hallelujah! We're free!

Lessons From Hell part 1

So I did a class on Hell this week....Ministry and the Imagination: And He Descended Into Hell. It was an AWESOME class/retreat and I learned a lot from it. So I thought I'd post some lessons from Hell and some Poems from Hell to give you some idea of what I went through. The poems will be in part 2 of this blog post.

The whole few days were amazing. We descended into hell together and ascended back up into the world together. We did this both literally and figuratively via an exercise that was amazing. We smelled hell, felt hell, saw hell, tasted hell, and heard hell. In my group we danced hell and took pictures of what hell was for us (and made pictures of what hell was for us). We choreographed dances in my group that described hell and coming out of it once again. We had fun, too, with massages and ear candling and creating salts and doing all kinds of artwork! The community was the best part, I think. To get to know people better and to care so much more for them. Going through hell and back really connects you with people. The place was beautiful, going out in the snow and watching the sunrise through the window and just....WOW! And now...to the quotes!

"Hell is not having it of yourself to help yourself"- Heather

"One of the deepest regions of hell is for those incapable of community"- from Dante

"People are Hell"-Sarte.... and the ones condemning people to hell- Heather

"We need our own certainties harrowed and this harrowing can feel like hell"- Heather

If we must go to hell...so must Jesus (since he was fully human)

The nature of God is the irreversible diversity.

One reason we need hell is because we have a need to see those who cause harm punished.

"Christ descended into hell as a conqueror not as a victim"- Heather

time and death are not barriers to God's love, so what barrier is there?

We need someone to teach us how to rebuild ourselves and our lives, whether it be a 12 step group or purgatory

"We are called to walk through fire, not walk on water."- Heather

"You have to fight fire with fire (of God"