Sorry this post is so late, but things have been swirling about me. I loved this week's touch exercises and the interesting thing where my body and mind had totally different reactions to touch, to how it felt to be touched and where. When one was comfortable, the other was not and vice versa. However, as the poem that I'll post here will show you (also posted in my other blog), my body and I, through that, because of that and realizing truly that it has it's own language and feelings, we're becoming one once again, for the first time since I was 3 years old. It's an amazing thing for me to experience, or start to experience in just 4 weeks of class. I can't wait for Tuesday already!
Body (written by "Julie B aka Jewelbird)
Body,
you're lovely
you tell me a story
you're smarter than I realize
Body,
you have your own memory
and you don't forget much
you're wonderful
Body,
I'm sorry for what mind has done
I promise to take better care of us
you're superb
Body,
you're stronger than mind realizes
you're a fighter
you're super
Body,
you endure great things
you speak what you think or feel
you're ideal
Body,
I love us
We will come together fully
We are one!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Remembering How Far I've Come
So tonight was a night in which I partied and yet had some awesome conversations. Those conversations got me to thinking and to remembering back to 2007 when I first arrived at Drew, in PTSD and not at all healthy. Today, I am much healthier than I was, I know who I am and who I am fully. My health is getting under control, with naming and understanding a few things. I have matured a great deal in just 3 years. I have given up my victim identity and am working on giving up the patient personality/identity (although asthma and such dealt a blow to that one this week). I want to have the identity of Julie, Beloved Child of God, and Soon-to-be Chaplain. I have learned and am practicing boundaries, boundaries that help me to heal and prepare me for the work ahead.
I have also realized that with switching denominations, I have been given a gift....TIME. I cannot be ordained right out of seminary, I still have work to do in the ordination process of my new denomination and in doing internship classes so that I am prepared to be the best chaplain I can be. I also still have some more growing up and healing to do in order to again be the best chaplain I can be and so to do the work that God has called me to do.
All these things are such a good sign, and signs of health now and healing that has happened and preparation. I almost feel as if God knew all along I would not be QUITE ready for ministry straight out of seminary, but God had a plan in mind anyway....a plan that would give me healing and time and the tools I needed for ministry. I so thank God for all that has been done and all that God continues to do!
I have also realized that with switching denominations, I have been given a gift....TIME. I cannot be ordained right out of seminary, I still have work to do in the ordination process of my new denomination and in doing internship classes so that I am prepared to be the best chaplain I can be. I also still have some more growing up and healing to do in order to again be the best chaplain I can be and so to do the work that God has called me to do.
All these things are such a good sign, and signs of health now and healing that has happened and preparation. I almost feel as if God knew all along I would not be QUITE ready for ministry straight out of seminary, but God had a plan in mind anyway....a plan that would give me healing and time and the tools I needed for ministry. I so thank God for all that has been done and all that God continues to do!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
this week's "Resurrection of the Body"
This week was a blast! I had so much fun in the experiential part of the class. We even played a game of dodge-ball! Talk about getting in touch with our bodies and with fun!
We also had to do letters to our bodies. Me and my body, we're learning to trust each other as I am in Recovery from ED. After all, I spent 15 years abusing my poor body by listening to ED. We're starting to learn and trust each other. I am learning, as someone said, "the vocabulary of my body"... what it wants, needs, is saying to me. Tonight, during one of the stretches, it CLEARLY said to me, "Hey, Get back on the PT, will ya!" As my left kneecap moved a bit while kneeling on it. It hurt and I responded and understood that I need to give my body the strengthening it needs. I actually plan on doing so starting tomorrow, no matter what the time is like, I MUST take care of my body and show it that it can trust me. I will then trust it to recover from any diseases that I may encounter along the way here. I have also been trying to give my body the nutrition it wants and it has been so much happier with that so far.
It was kind of neat in class as everyone shared their letters. I will not say anything about anyone's letters (confidentiality), but will say that there was one person in class that if they had been in OA, I would've asked them to be my sponsor, because they had something that I wanted in my Recovery. It was kind of neat though to see that and to know that it IS truly possible!
Another thing I learned through the sharing was the our bodies and how we see our bodies, we each have our own, unique story. There are some commonalities, but how each person viewed and interacted with their body was so unique, so insanely unique and it was wonderful to see both the commonalities and the uniqueness.
So, how do you see your body? What would your letter to your body say?
We also had to do letters to our bodies. Me and my body, we're learning to trust each other as I am in Recovery from ED. After all, I spent 15 years abusing my poor body by listening to ED. We're starting to learn and trust each other. I am learning, as someone said, "the vocabulary of my body"... what it wants, needs, is saying to me. Tonight, during one of the stretches, it CLEARLY said to me, "Hey, Get back on the PT, will ya!" As my left kneecap moved a bit while kneeling on it. It hurt and I responded and understood that I need to give my body the strengthening it needs. I actually plan on doing so starting tomorrow, no matter what the time is like, I MUST take care of my body and show it that it can trust me. I will then trust it to recover from any diseases that I may encounter along the way here. I have also been trying to give my body the nutrition it wants and it has been so much happier with that so far.
It was kind of neat in class as everyone shared their letters. I will not say anything about anyone's letters (confidentiality), but will say that there was one person in class that if they had been in OA, I would've asked them to be my sponsor, because they had something that I wanted in my Recovery. It was kind of neat though to see that and to know that it IS truly possible!
Another thing I learned through the sharing was the our bodies and how we see our bodies, we each have our own, unique story. There are some commonalities, but how each person viewed and interacted with their body was so unique, so insanely unique and it was wonderful to see both the commonalities and the uniqueness.
So, how do you see your body? What would your letter to your body say?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Resurrection of the Body Week 2
We did even more stretching today and we did the move that was most important to us, for me that was the opening up of the chest. Someone has said that they did not realize that even breathing was a gift, and yet that is the move I chose, opening up of the chest, because I do realize that breathing is a gift, and a wonderful one at that, since there are times for me when that gift gets harder. There were so many good explanations as to what worked for each person.
A lesson that came up as we were sharing our self-care plans was the idea of "Our greatest fear is not that we are small, but that we are huge"- Marianne Williamson
As I've thought about this, I realize how true it's been in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of others. I'm afraid to be big, to be the best I can be and it often leads me to focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Like other fears, I need to let this one go and know that it's okay to be the best I can be, God wants me to be the best I can be and that includes being healthy! When I am healthy, I am often looking for the next illness, but that's listening to that fear. Instead, I should enjoy being healthy and working towards becoming even more healthy, as I will with my self-care plan.
The whole idea of a self-care plan, complete with reward is a good idea, too. Something I think everyone should have, sort of like New Year's Resolutions (as Charlie and Lynn say), but to have an accountability partner (or a class full!) to help them stick to it and to let the plan be flexible. It could really come in handy.
A lesson that came up as we were sharing our self-care plans was the idea of "Our greatest fear is not that we are small, but that we are huge"- Marianne Williamson
As I've thought about this, I realize how true it's been in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of others. I'm afraid to be big, to be the best I can be and it often leads me to focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. Like other fears, I need to let this one go and know that it's okay to be the best I can be, God wants me to be the best I can be and that includes being healthy! When I am healthy, I am often looking for the next illness, but that's listening to that fear. Instead, I should enjoy being healthy and working towards becoming even more healthy, as I will with my self-care plan.
The whole idea of a self-care plan, complete with reward is a good idea, too. Something I think everyone should have, sort of like New Year's Resolutions (as Charlie and Lynn say), but to have an accountability partner (or a class full!) to help them stick to it and to let the plan be flexible. It could really come in handy.
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